Neelam Tewar

What you owe yourself

Everything you give everybody else but you.

This is for the givers. The empaths. The kind and big-hearted humans. When you put others ahead of yourself, you:

1.    deplete your valuable, finite energy

2.    make decisions you may regret in the long run

3.    deny yourself your own authenticity and love

4.    train your subconscious you come last

5.    forget that you and your needs matter, too

You can give freely the love, attention, and support to others that goes without saying that we are all in this together. How long can this approach last? Logically speaking, of course.

I hope your answer is the same as mine – not very long.Over time ignoring yourself will build resentment and bitterness which we might blame on others because our expectations  

We hope others will know when to draw the line, not ask too much of us because we wouldn’t ask the same of them or assume they’d readily do what we would for them. I read somewhere that “givers need boundaries because takers have none”.

So what’s stopping us givers from setting boundaries that work in our favor?

People pleasing?
Savior complex?

It can be a combination of a whole bunch of things – and it is unique to your life experiences, how you were raised and the way in which you process both your immediate, and broader world.

What can you do about it?

3 things to help you set better boundaries:

Awareness without judgement

If you are aware that you have given away your personal power, then you are doing great! Please don’t beat yourself up over it, the goal is to learn from your past failings.

Small, consistent action

Taking steps every day to work through our past and using our good prudence to reflect on what we could have done differently.

Enforce your boundaries

This is gonna feel icky and you’ll have to exercise your saying ‘no’ muscle and be disciplined without making any excuses.

Learning to set healthy boundaries, reduce co-dependency and free up our hearts, and minds is a lifelong learning process – don’t forget to be patient with yourself.  

Rise above the fold,